Holding My Breath
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: This is the fourth story in my ATWT series. Enjoy it!


Today's Cast:  
Jacey Lawrence: Jacey Munson Snyder/Joey (Jordache) Munson  
Michael Park: Jack Snyder  
Martha Byrne: Lily Snyder/Rose D'Angelo  
Mark Collier: Mike Kasnoff  
Benjamin Hendrickson: Hal Munson  
Agim Kaba: Aaron Snyder  
Kristina Sisco: Abigail Williams  
Hunt Block: Craig Montgomery  
Annie Parisse: Julia Lindsey Snyder  
Holding My Breath: An ATWT sequel   
By JCP  
Everything was going by in slow motion. I am standing amid friends and family, but I hardly see any of them. Now my life is more chaotic and I suddenly know that there are more important things than deciding whether to join Craig Montgomery or not. He is standing by Jack's hospital room, staring at me. Joey is next to me, squeezing my hand. I barely feel it. She is saying something, but I don't hear it. Jack is in the operating room. The room Craig is standing before has his personal effects that Lily had gone with Joey to get, but other than that, it is empty. Jack gets a single room to himself. Lucinda demanded it. I am just in shock, as Bob tells me. I feel empty, like someone shook me up and then poured me into a glass.   
They haven't been able to tell me what's wrong with Jack yet. They whisked him off an hour ago and wouldn't let me come. I am running my hands through my short hair and am sighing. Jennifer, my other sister, came over. ''Are you OK?'' She asked, and I saw Abigail, our friend, over by the wall, talking to Bryant and looking upset. Bryant is my friend, and Jen's boyfriend.   
I looked at Jen, barely hearing what she is saying. ''What? I am I OK? I guess.'' I am a shell of myself as I stare into space. I want Jack, I want to feel his hand in mine, and I want to hear him tell me everything would be all right.   
Daddy (Hal Munson) joined us. He took my arm. ''I'm going to get you some water, honey. Come on. Jack's going to be just fine.'' I look at him and wonder where my brother Adam had gotten to. Had someone called him for me?   
I looked at Daddy. ''Daddy, I'm not hungry, I'm not thirsty. I am going to sit here until Dr. Bob comes back and tells me what happened to my husband.'' I sit in a waiting room chair, and Joey sits next to me.   
Jennifer rejoins Bryant and Abi, and Daddy goes to see Mom. I sit with Joey and sing to myself and am about to fall asleep when Uncle Craig joined us. ''Hello, Sugar.'' He said, using a nickname no one's used since I married Jack.  
I looked up. ''Hi, Uncle Craig.'' I don't bother to tell him that I'm not in the mood for his antics right now. He'll just barge on anyway.   
Uncle Craig asked, ''Heard any word on Jacko?'' He used that annoying nickname which I knew that Jack didn't really mind when he even noticed it.   
I was going to reply, when Bob came over to me. I immediately jumped up. ''Is Jack going to be OK?'' I asked.  
Bob said, ''He's going to have to ride in a wheelchair, until his legs go back to normal. Someone put a drug in his drink. It's a new one, or I'd tell you what it is. We are still trying to figure out what it is. He is asking for you.''  
I saw the orderlies wheeling him past us. He lay on the bed, eyes looking bloodshot. Before I go to join him, I asked Bob, ''So his legs will go back to normal?''   
Bob nodded. ''Yes, they will. He wants to see you.'' He added, then walked off to leave me with my family.   
I was so glad that Jack was going to be alright. Ever since I'd seen him lying on the floor, barely breathing, I had been thinking about the years we'd spent together. The first fight we'd ever had come back to me:   
It was a calm summer day, and we were at Snyder Pond. Emma was having a picnic. Jack and I had been sitting at the picnic table, when I said something.   
Jack looked at me. ''How can you say that?'' He asked.   
I turned to him. ''Jack, all I said was that I think that Holden should take Lily back. I mean, if I ever faltered like she did, I'd want you to forgive me.''   
This is what the fight was really about. The fact that I said if I faltered, I'm not supposed to say that. Especially since this was after we'd gotten engaged. Jack stood up, and I knew he was working up a temper tantrum. Carly had gotten her share, but this is my first. He said, ''You would falter?'' He was really ticked.   
I immediately regretted what I said, but I didn't change my opinion. I have a temper, too. ''Jack, I'm not saying that I will. I'm saying that it is a possibility, because anything can happen.''  
Jack seemed to take this badly. ''Well, Jace, it's great to know that you have no faith in our relationship.'' He folded his arms, and I could tell it was because he was trying not to hit me.   
I got up, wanting to calm him down, because the family was all sitting awkwardly through this. ''Jack, I do. I'm just saying that we don't know what's going to happen. No one can ever know. I mean, Lily messed up, and she and Uncle Holden were supposed to be forever personified. So I'm just saying it might happen.'' I was sorry I'd ever opened my mouth.   
Jack turned to face me. ''Why can't you just love me? Why can't you just have faith in our relationship? Why can't you just realize that it doesn't matter what might happen?''   
I ran my hand through my hair, knowing that this was a doozy for our first fight........................  
I sighed, as the memory left my brain. I knew that our fight hadn't really been that big of a deal. Then, early in our relationship, it had, but now that we were married, it seemed silly. I turned to my sister and told her that I was going to see my husband. I went over to his room and cautiously opened the door. He smiled when he saw me. I said, ''Hey, sexy.''   
Jack looked haggard, but still dead sexy. He smiled weakly at me. ''Hi, baby. Are you OK?'' He asked, and I couldn't believe he was asking me! He was the one who was lying in the hospital bed.   
I went to the side of his bed, and looked at his legs, hardly believing that he was going to have to ride in a wheelchair for awhile. I couldn't imagine this proud Snyder man in a wheelchair. ''Jack, honey, you're the one in a wheelchair. How can you ask me if I'm OK?'' I asked, shocked.  
Jack took my hand. ''Because I know that this was hard on you. It couldn't have been easy seeing me lying on the floor like that.''  
I said, ''First thing, I'm singing on stage, and the next thing I know, you're lying on the floor, barely breathing. It was undeniably the hardest and most terrifying moment of my life. I mean, my husband was dying on the floor. How could I not be scared? I mean, you go to work every day, and I'm never worried. Not like I was tonight.''  
Jack's eyes had been slowly filling with tears. He sat up and wrapped his arms around me, and I let myself go. The tears I'd been holding back suddenly were let loose.   
We stayed like that some more, then I told him what Bob had told me about his drink. ''So we're going to have to find out who did this. You aren't, because you have to ride around in a wheelchair, but I'll work with Daddy and Mom.''   
Jack looked at me. ''I'm going to catch the guy who did this to me.'' He seemed determined.   
I shook my head. ''No way, Jack. You're going to have to be in a wheelchair until your legs are better. He has momentarily paralyzed you, honey.''   
There was a knock on the door, and then Uncle Craig, the king of bad timing himself, stepped in. ''Hello, Jacko. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.''   
Jack smiled weakly at him, and I felt odd at seeing it. A world where Uncle Craig and Jack can get along? Too weird. ''Hey, Craig. Thanks for stopping by. Bob says I'm going to be alright.''  
I glare at Uncle Craig. ''Uncle Craig, quit the fake concern. Jack and I were having a conversation, which you don't know anything about.''   
Jack looked at me, and I was shocked. He actually wanted Uncle Craig in here. I could hardly believe it. I got angry. ''Well, fine, if you boys want to talk, then I'll just go be somebody else's wife.'' I stormed out of his room.   
Joey was standing outside, she'd been about to go in. She saw my angry expression. ''What's the matter?'' She asked, tucking her long version of our hair behind her ear.   
I looked at her. ''Jack wanted to talk to Uncle Craig.'' At her blank stare, I continued, ''Instead of talking to me. We were having an important conversation.''  
Joey shrugged her shoulders. ''Well, maybe he needed to have some guy talk.''   
I shot back, ''With Uncle Craig? No one has a guy to guy discussion with him. He can't hold one. He's like, totally inept in that.''  
Mike Kasnoff, my good friend, came up to me. (Joey kinda has a crush on him.) ''How is he?'' He asked me, and I was SO glad that he was there.   
I stepped into his arms for a hug. ''Oh, Mike, I am so TOTALLY glad you're here.'' I said, as I breathed in his piney scent.   
Mike laughed, and it sounded so good. He said, ''I just wanted to make sure ya'll were doing OK. I knew you might need me, and so I came over. I'm glad that you're glad.''  
Uncle Craig interrupted us. ''Hey, Mike Kasnoff, fancy meeting you here.'' (Uncle Craig is dating Mike's old girlfriend, Rosanna, who in my opinion, still has feelings for Mike.)   
I give him a glare, Mike's arm wrapped around my shoulders, and say, ''I see you're done chatting with my husband.'' I do not spare anything on this man.   
Mike is more polite. (This has always bugged me about him.) ''Hello, Craig, how are you?'' He asks, trying to make up for my rudeness, I guess.   
Joey said, ''Uncle Craig, you need to be a nicer man. Who said you could interrupt Jack and Jacey?''  
Craig ignored her and said, ''Well, Jack's ready to see you, Jace.'' This made me very angry. I mean, Jack's MY husband, not his. So I got angry.   
I said, ''Excuse me, Uncle Craig. Jack is my husband, and you will not tell me when I can see him or talk to him, OK?'' I was all ready to get myself worked up, but I felt Joey's hand on my arm, trying to calm me down.   
Mike looked at me, and saw how angry I was. He then looked at Uncle Craig, and then Joey. Finally, he said, ''How about Joey and I go get some coffee, and you go talk to Jack.''   
I nodded and gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed into Jack's room, more angry than I ever have been in my life. Jack was eating his dinner. I said, ''OK, we need to talk. I don't like what you just did with Craig. I should come first, I am your wife. And it would be different if it was Holden, or Daddy, but it was Craig. I'm sorry, but that makes me angry. And this whole "deal" thing. Craig may have a great deal, but I'm not so sure that I want to work with Craig. He's family, and you aren't supposed to work with family. Especially family like Craig Montgomery. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to do it.''   
Jack isn't a picky eater, so he was actually eating his supper. ''Honey, I'm sorry if I over stepped the boundaries. But I went to talk to Craig, like you asked, and I really think that he has a great offer. I'm not worried about Craig attacking you, because I told him that I would totally kick his butt.''  
I wasn't feeling better. ''OK, that doesn't make me feel any better, Jack. It doesn't because Craig is still going to be Craig, no matter what.''   
Jack seemed to get this. ''I know, but you can handle it.''  
I looked at him incredulously. ''I know you think I can, but it's Uncle Craig.''   
Jack spooned mashed potatoes into his mouth. ''I'm very sorry.'' He looked at me, looking so haggard and worn, I could hardly be ticked off at him for long.   
I sat down next to him by his bed. ''Jack, I love you, and I want you to be better. I don't want to fight about any of this, OK?''  
Jack yawned, and I knew he was tired. ''OK, sounds good to me.'' He closed his eyes, and right before he fell to sleep, he said, ''I love you, baby.''  
I ran my hands through his thick dark hair. He looked totally sexy, even though he was very tired. I loved to watch him sleep. I stayed five more minutes, then left the room to let him get some rest. Craig was still out in the hall. I hit him really hard on the arm, and I felt much better. He, however, didn't.  
He looked at me. ''What was that for?'' He asked, rubbing his arm.   
I shot back as quietly as I could, ''You knew that I was talking to Jack, and you came in anyway. What kind of man are you, anyway?'' I demanded.   
Craig looked at me, holding back laughter. ''A conniving one, really. Why do you ask?'' He straightened his Armani suit.   
Mike had joined us before I could say anything. ''How's Jack, honey?'' He asked, slipping his arm protectively.   
I looked at him. ''He's a little tired, but Bob said that he'll be OK.'' I put my head against his shoulder, very glad that I had him in my life.  
The next week, Jack was released from Oakdale Memorial and I got to take him. Bob said he should be feeling his legs again within a month. He looked way better, too. He hated riding in the chair, I knew, but there was nothing to be done. I wheeled him into the house. I hadn't been able to make any changes, because this was only going to be temporary, so I had Aaron, my good friend, (and second cousin by marriage) sitting on the couch. Jack looked at me. I said, ''Aaron's going to help me help you upstairs. I didn't want to put in a chair ramp, because this will only be for awhile. So Aaron's going to hang out here for a bit.''  
Jack smiled at Aaron. ''Hi, Aaron.'' He began to push himself into the kitchen, not letting me help. That was frustrating, but I let him go.   
The next few days were crazy and frustrating. We still hadn't found out who did this to him, and it was making me mad. Aaron had gone home, and Mike coming over every day to help out. He had more time on his hands, because he had finished the last construction job. He just worked on cars at Sparky's Car Garage. I asked him if he minded, and he said he didn't, he just wanted to help us out. I gave him a huge hug when he said this.   
It was a beautiful summer morning when I woke up. Jack had been sleeping on the couch downstairs, and I had tried to join him, but he'd told me to sleep upstairs. I didn't think Jack liked me seeing him in his wheelchair, but it wasn't for much longer. Anyway, I got up and dressed in a jean skirt and a red top and hurried down. Jack had already dressed in jeans and some blue shirt. He was struggling with his jacket. I said, ''Honey, let me help.''  
Jack shook his head. ''No, babe, I got it. I'll let you know if I need help, OK?'' He tried to yank it off the coat hanger.   
I watched, my whole body aching to help him. As I was heading to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. I hastened to get it. It was Julia, Jack's ex-wife. You guys remember her. She looked to be about five months pregnant. My jaw dropped. ''Hi, Julia.'' I said warily.   
Julia smiled at me, rubbing her swelling belly. ''Hello, Jacey, or do I say Mrs. Snyder?'' She asked, looking kinda crazy.   
Jack looked up, alarmed. He just asked, ''Why are you here, Julia?''   
She walked into the room, carefully slipping past me. ''I wanted to talk to you. This baby is yours, Jack, and I know that it wasn't out of love, but we have to talk about what we're going to do when it's born.''  
Jack pushed himself towards the door and shut it. ''Julia, I want you to go to jail.''   
I folded my arms angrily. ''OK, Julia, how do we know that it's Jack's? Yes, you raped him, among other things, but this doesn't mean that it's his. How far long are you in your pregnancy?''   
Julia turned her gaze to me. ''Well, since you're Jack's wife, I guess that it is your business. I am five months pregnant. You know that's correct math.'' She said, as I put my hand to my mouth.   
Jack looked at her, and I could tell he wanted to kill her for coming back. Jack had wanted to pretend that the rape hadn't happened. (It was his way of dealing with it, which in my opinion, isn't really dealing with it.) ''Julia, this baby isn't mine. It can't be. There's no way.''   
I knew this would have seemed more impressive if he hadn't been in a wheelchair. I glared at her. ''Julia, we have to have DNA testing done. Because you know how you are. We just want to be sure. And maybe we'll bring the baby by to see you in jail.''   
Julia turned to glare at me. ''I'm not going to jail. My lawyers and my doctor have something set up for me, because I'm still crazy. But I did come back to turn myself in.''  
I joined Jack, so we could be a united front. ''Excuse me? You kidnapped, you raped, you tortured, and you ran from the law. I think you deserve to be in jail.''   
Jack closed his eyes, and I could tell he was trying not to cry. ''Can we not talk about this right now? I really have to get to work.'' He had abandoned the jacket idea, and called for Mike to drive him to work.   
Julia watched as Jack was wheeled out by Mike, and I turned to Julia again. She was saying, ''So how do you feel about this?''   
I invited her to sit down. After all, she was totally pregnant. ''I think that if it's Jack's baby, then despite you being its mother, I will take care of it, because it will be Jack's.''  
Julia sat down, and she was trying not to say something sarcastic, I could tell. ''I know that you're angry at me, and I understand why. But I think that you're wrong about me needing to go to jail. I need to be with my doctor. He can help me a lot, and I think maybe I'll be OK after that.''  
I leaned back on the couch, wanting to rip my collar bone length hair out. (It's grown out a little, it's almost to my shoulders.) ''Julia, I know you think that you will do better with your doctor, and that may be true. But I think we can work something out with your doctor. You deserve to go to jail. I truly think that, Julia. You've totally messed up Jack, the only problem is, he won't fix it. I don't hate you, but how would you feel if someone raped the person you love? You'd want them to pay, too.''  
Julia replied, ''I'm not angry at you, and I understand why you feel that way. But I am going to try to get it so that I won't go to jail. And I am really glad that you're willing to take care of my baby, because I know how you feel about it.''   
We were interrupted by the doorbell. I got up to get it. It was Abigail. ''Hi, I just wanted to talk to you.'' She said, as I stepped back to let her in.   
Julia said, ''I think I'm going to go, Jacey. I have to go down to the police station, anyway. I know that Jack didn't want to talk about this, so I'll call you later, so we can discuss DNA testing and a baby schedule. I really want Jack to be able to see his baby.''  
I nodded and showed her out so I could talk to Abigail, who didn't even ask what that was all about. I knew why in what she had to say next.   
Abigail said, ''This is hard for me to say. You're like, practically my best friend. I am leaving Oakdale. Adam Munson, your brother, called me and asked me to join him in LA.''  
My jaw dropped. ''Abi, please tell me you're not. You can't leave me right now! I seriously need my best friend here, to help me out.''   
Abigail said, ''Does this have to do with Julia? I didn't want to ask, because I wasn't sure if it was my business.''  
I groaned and tossed myself the couch. ''Yes, it does. Julia is saying that she is pregnant with Jack's baby. I am so messed up about it. Because it wasn't, um, consentual, and I really want her to go to jail. She's still crazy. So I am totally crazy right now.''   
Abigail sank down on the couch next to me. ''Honey, I totally can't tell you what to feel because I've never been there. I can tell you this, though, you and Jack will get through this because you guys are so into each other. You totally are. So it will be alright. And I know it won't be the same, but we can talk over the phone and email. I will totally still be your best bud. I just, really need to get away right now.''  
I sighed. ''OK, I guess I'll be alright. But look in your email a lot, I will email you every day. Literally, everyday, got me?''   
We hugged, and she turned and left. I sighed. Now I was left without my best friend. How was I going to get through this alone?   
To Be Continued............ 


End file.
